Looney tunes

Whoever said you finish the psychiatric rotation with the best stories wasn't lying. Here are some patients I have had the pleasure of meeting at the country house:

1) Taxi-driver with persecutory delusions that the mainland police were after her for illegal parking. Was wheeled off to hospital after she was found sitting on the streets dishing out one-hundred dollar bills to dogs.

2) Guy whose psychosis has been recurrently acting up since having thirteen-thousand dollars cheated off of him five years ago. Has also been hospitalised multiple times because of depression noted by his social worker. This was the first case of schizoaffective disorder that I've encountered (and successfully diagnosed - score!!!)

3) Bipolar high schooler who overdosed on about sixty sleeping pills in an attempt to snuff out her manic episodes.

4) Self-proclaimed savior of Hong Kong from the financial crash in 1989 (method: 唱起個市 by singing 斜陽裡氣魄更壯, 斜陽落下心中不必驚慌 to his television set). This guy has absolutely no insight of his condition and thinks he will be discharged once 陳法拉, his girlfriend who is currently studying abroad (school fees paid by him from the fifty-thousand-million dollars given to him by Donald Tsang as a reward for saving everyone from the crisis) comes to pick him up.

5) A 5'4 kleptomaniac with anorexia nervosa who stops eating once she is stressed, has dropped from 130lbs to less than 70lbs and hasn't had her period in the last six years. Her only consolation is in stealing food that she doesn't eat.

6) A security guard who received twenty-hundred-thousand HKD as work injury compensation and spent all of it on beef ribs, the broth of which he believed was the only cure to the 365,500 imaginary tubes of gas that were placed into his body by mysterious forces at night.

7) Extremely superstitious cough syrup addict who believed that his family was cursed. He had paid some 神棍s to ask 茅山大師 to possess his body and ended up, in his delusional state, knocking on neighbours' doors one-by-one declaring loudly that he was 茅山六代宗師 and on a mission to 替天行道.

8) I saved the best for the last - this guy was seriously hardcore. A heroin user since the age of thirteen, he has tried every recreational drug in our textbooks, and has stayed awake for up to eight days without a wink of sleep while on crystal meth. The reason for this admission was because he bought petrol from his local gas station and burned down his own apartment. Yes, wtf man.

All in all, an insanely good experience. How can anyone not like psych?